‘We’re getting the band back together; with Toby Young on drums, Nick Timothy on Cor Anglais and Andrew Sabisky on bail’.
The UK will pursue an ambitious timetable aimed at delivering an even bigger second coronavirus peak than it’s continent-leading first.
‘It all got rather out of hand’.
In a newly politicised civil service, top Mandarins are to be replaced by fragile bigots leaving shrill comments about why they hate Greta Thunberg
The Johnson household is set to spend 0.2% of their annual income ‘levelling up’ the fridge.
There is a new list of 50 countries Brits can safely travel to, including several that aren’t countries.
The elite squad, which collectively have fewer GCSEs than Johnson has harassment allegations, are proving to be more adept at understand what the public wants (namely food).
Just eating is not enough, to save the UK economy you must buy useless tat made by child slaves in Vietnam.
‘You were only ever meant to read the paper in a sarcastic voice’ said one hack.
We thought of using a dog whistle, but decided that a windbag would be more accurate
The poor taste in electoral options and the inability to smell a rat are thought to be symptoms of a nation gripped by COVID-19.
‘Yes it stinks, but those rancid microwave meals were a product of their time’.
As many foresaw, the historical record has been immediately and irredeemably damaged by the deposition of Colston’s statue in a harbour.