‘Loss of taste and smell’ behind a series of high-profile government gaffes

The poor taste in electoral options and the inability to smell a rat are thought to be symptoms of a nation gripped by COVID-19.

‘The re-casting of Love Island should have been a warning, COVID has been in the UK longer than we thought, and it is causing a diminution of the sense, including taste, smell and common’ says one definitely qualified medical doctor.

It is now understood that COVID-19 (unlike former COVIDS) leaves convalescents with no smell or taste (or perhaps eyesight – ed). This is thought to be the cause of several high-profile gaffes in the public sphere. Some examples:

 

Hearing loss: Boris Johnson is said to be incapable of hearing the wave of dissent at his failure to get anything right.

Vision loss: In an address to Tory MPs, Johnson announced that there will be ‘no more targets’ – indicating that he is running out of targets to miss.

Loss of taste: Nichola Sturgeon is facing criticism for allowing Scottish people to stand outside in the sunshine.

Loss of common sense: The government has urged the public to use ‘British common sense’, leading to record lows in an already scarce commodity.

Loss of touch: Doormatt Hancock has urged the public to ‘do their civic duty’, which has been considered out of touch from a cohort of radically selfish duty-dodgers.

Loss of smell: someone by now should be able to smell a rat…