Historians already forgetting significant biographical details of the what’s‑he-called statue bloke from Bristol

As many foresaw, the historical record has been immediately and irredeemably damaged by the deposition of Colston’s statue in a harbour.

Historians have published an urgent appeal for anything anyone can remember about the statue person who might have been called Edwin Coleslaw, whose statue was definitely there last week but must have gone somewhere.

They’re unsure of the specifics, but believe he was either a comic author or the inventor of paracetamol.

“It’s very difficult to do history without the statues”, one of those TV historians explained. “Other academic disciplines have the luxury of books and written sources, but – as everyone knows – the study history is conducted entirely through the medium of sculpture.”

“This for example,” the historian beckoned towards a 3‑foot concrete Aphrodite, “is a piece I’m working on for History Today. This,” he pointed at a small brass golden retriever, “is a primary source for an ITV programme on Neolithic forts I’m doing”.