Boris Johnson to be replaced by a ‘bag of wind’

We thought of using a dog whistle, but decided that a windbag would be more accurate

Following a declining capacity to connect collections of words into readily-interpretable sentences, as well as a growing deficit for jingoistic metaphors, a bag of wind is lined up to replace the Prime Minister on key communication roles.

‘It worked for Farage, it can work the PM’ said one windbag-enthusiast. Verbosity and the stoking of primitive urges are always to be favoured over humility, aspiration and kindness.

The move is said to be popular amongst the average voter, who we contacted: ‘why is the media not talking abot the people in botes they r coming to the country everyday probably have the virus but media and politics is not talk about the people in botes who go to ipswich and get a house with covid why did it take farage to reprot on the peeple in botes, boris sort it out 😡😡😡’.