Daily Mail takes a break from ironically fuelling intolerance to ask ‘why is there so much intolerance?’

'You were only ever meant to read the paper in a sarcastic voice' said one hack.

Patriotic (and yet tax-haven backed) British newspaper Daily Mail has asked, in apparent sincerity, ‘what happened to the tolerant Britain we love?’

The doe-eyed periodical – which happens to be the UK’s most widely-read newspaper – was previously know for front-page headlines such as:

  • 4,000 foreign murderers and rapists we can’t throw out
  • Migrants, how many more can we take?
  • Calais: send in the army
  • The dark million
  • UK Muslims helping Jihadis
  • Plot to let 1.5m Turks into Britain
  • Enemies of the people (referring to the justice system)
  • Jeremy Corbyn will unhinge his jaw and vomit down the throat of the Queen (ok, I made that one up)
  • There will be no war in Europe (c.1939)
  • Hurrah for the Blackshirts (I’m not even making this one up)

However, it is now to be understood that the previous 80 years of publications are to be read ironically. ‘It was all a big prank’ said one hack, ‘we never thought anyone would believe this shit-stirring’.

Another Mail veteran added ‘of course you’re supposed to read this in a sarcastic voice, it’s parodying pig-ignorant bigotry… the spate of pig-ignorant bigotry we see today is probably a coincidence’.

It is believed that the paper will henceforth focus on feel-good stories, fundraisers and cutting-edge cancer research.