In a newly politicised civil service, top Mandarins are to be replaced by fragile bigots leaving shrill comments about why they hate Greta Thunberg
SectionLocal
Barry Island, Sealand and Narnia included in the ‘list of places Brits can travel’
There is a new list of 50 countries Brits can safely travel to, including several that aren’t countries.
Man refuses to empty bin to avoid ‘erasing the historical record’
‘Yes it stinks, but those rancid microwave meals were a product of their time’.
Historians already forgetting significant biographical details of the what’s‑he-called statue bloke from Bristol
As many foresaw, the historical record has been immediately and irredeemably damaged by the deposition of Colston’s statue in a harbour.
Public pleased to finally be allowed to use ‘British common sense’
British common sense stockpiles are to be tapped as we enter the second wave of the virus.
Cleaners and nannies to restore order to Tory households
A small army of cleaners and nannies is preparing to return to work, where carnage – burnt stilton on the Aga, port stains on the chesterfield and horse shit in the rugs – awaits them.
Man emerges from lockdown not the ‘superfit polymath pedagogue’ he appeared to be online
It has emerged that James, 37, from North London may not be the lockdown Renaissance man his Instagram feed suggests he is.
‘I remember the war like it was yesterday’ says 64-year-old with no lived experience of WWII
This VE day, we catch up with the generation that bravely talks endlessly about the war their parents fought.
“Ish’ll all be fine in the end” says quarantined micro-distiller
Bob Morris, 53 from Preston, produces around 50 litres of artisan gin in his shed each week. Normally, he gives much of it away to friends and sells the rest in local shops.