‘Unlimited exercise’ has been broadly interpreted to mean ‘full-frontal phlegm exchange’ and ‘midweek beach holidays with a small army of super-spreading snotrockets’. Consequently, as people are flocking to coastal towns, rumours are emerging of a fabled ‘monster second wave’.
News of the wave, not seen in the UK since 1918, is causing surfers to swarm to the south coast.
‘Cornish is a strange language’ said surfer Richard Fiddler, ‘I think geddafuckbaktehsurreyutwatt means that’s gnarly dude’.