Public pleased to finally be allowed to use ‘British common sense’

British common sense stockpiles are to be tapped as we enter the second wave of the virus.

In the face of a crisis, British common sense is thought to be a far more valuable substance than French joie de vivre, Danish hygge, American delusion or Turkish Personal Protective Equipment.

As we enter a new phase in the crisis, British common sense stockpiles are to be tapped to ensure safety and alertness over the next few months. British common sense is thought to be particularly helpful as it is immune to reason, criticism and self-doubt. Reserves of British common sense were thought to be low following a tumultuous few years, but the government has assured the public they can begin to publicly – and Britishly – use their British common sense.

The announcement has caused confusion in some communities. Migrants and dual citizenship holders are uncertain whether they will be allocated full, partial or any British common sense. For example, through his Osmanic heritage, New York birth and Belgian upbringing, is the Prime Minister fully entitled to use British common sense? It is speculated that this British common sense allocation confusion was responsible for the high death toll at Grenfell.

‘For the sake of clarity and fairness,’ a Downing Street spokesmoron fairly and clearly said, ‘possession of a British passport entitles the holder to one allocation of British common sense. This allocation increases to five if the citizen possesses a beautiful, British, blue passport’.

The public are also being advised to stay Britishly alert and stay Britishly in or out of their homes.