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The Pangolin

The Pangolin

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By Ernie Chess11 May 202012 May 2020

Comprehensive list of exercises that are now absolutely fine

As part of its crystal clear new guidelines, the administration has lifted the exercise limit.

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By Ernie Chess11 May 202013 May 2020

“Proud patriotic British bodies will not fall victim to French COVID-19” says crap epidemiologist

Arrivals from France will not be subject to the 14 day quarantine, since a silly French virus is no match for big strong British people. 

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By Ernie Chess10 May 202010 May 2020

Social distancing to be rebranded COVOIDANCE™ in move that will definitely clear up all confusion

Say hello to COVOIDANCE™, the clear, concise and utterly unproblematic new brand to help us COVOID™ COVID and the associated crippling economic recession. 

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By Ernie Chess10 May 2020

Man emerges from lockdown not the ‘superfit polymath pedagogue’ he appeared to be online

It has emerged that James, 37, from North London may not be the lockdown Renaissance man his Instagram feed suggests he is. 

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By Anna Lugosi10 May 202010 May 2020

Seriously ill COVID patients ‘were not alert enough’

New medical research suggests that people who are given to ‘drifting off’, or who are just laid back, are at greater risk of coronavirus complications. 

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By Anna Lugosi10 May 202010 May 2020

Government announces ambitious timetable for bigger second peak

The UK will pursue an ambitious timetable aimed at delivering an even bigger second coronavirus peak than it’s continent-leading first.

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By Ernie Chess10 May 202010 May 2020

Government ‘hits target for missed targets’

Early reports suggest 2020 will be a record-breaking year for missing governmental targets, beating a very strong performance in 2019. 

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By Ernie Chess8 May 20209 May 2020

‘I remember the war like it was yesterday’ says 64-year-old with no lived experience of WWII

This VE day, we catch up with the generation that bravely talks endlessly about the war their parents fought. 

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By Ernie Chess8 May 202010 May 2020

Politicians scramble to hide problematic book titles from Zoom backgrouds

There haven’t been nearly enough bookshelf scandals in this country, so we imagined what might have been… 

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By Anna Lugosi8 May 202024 May 2020

Queen to address Britain as it commemorates VE Day

Queen will give a televised message to mark the anniversary of VE Day, as the coronavirus outbreak overshadows nationwide celebrations.

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