Following an announcement of the government’s Never mind that there isn’t a horse, bolt the door anyway, but even do that incompetently border strategy, arrivals from France are to be exempt from quarantine on arrival in the UK.
Despite the virus probably arriving via weak-chinned skiers returning from a twee romp in Chamonix, British scientists have triumphantly declared that our stiff upper lip and Blitz spirit means that we are immune to any poxy French edition of COVID-19.
‘Quarantine needn’t include the French’, says bargain bucket epidemiologist and SAGE regular, Dr.Ian Cell, because ‘plucky British lungs are invulnerable to febrile Frankish viruses’.
Nonetheless, the government continues to insist on alertness, which – whilst not meaning you need to stay at home – means you need to stay at home, French kiss your colleagues, send your children to a snot factory and maintain three Keep Calm and Carry On posters per room.