Comprehensive list of exercises that are now absolutely fine

As part of its crystal clear new guidelines, the administration has lifted the exercise limit.

It has also announced the re-permittance of golf, angling, tennis and team sports provided that all members belong to the same household.

Whilst most people were feeling superhuman after an hour of exercise each day, a litany of new sporting options are now possible. To help clarify this already radiantly clear messaging, we’ve set out a comprehensive list of exercises that are now absolutely fine:

  1. Running
  2. Running very far
  3. Walking
  4. Driving to… places
  5. Golf
  6. Driving to the golf course
  7. Probably horse stuff
  8. Ladies’ beach volleyball (no Boris! – Dom)
  9. Tennis
  10. Hunting
  11. Hunting runners
  12. Running from hunters
  13. Football, provided that you have an army of children
  14. Creating an army of children
  15. Raising children until they are old enough to join your football team
  16. Fuc…(that’s more than enough – ed)