Seriously ill COVID patients ‘were not alert enough’

New medical research suggests that people who are given to ‘drifting off’, or who are just laid back, are at greater risk of coronavirus complications.

Leading medical experts in the Westminster area have hinted that nearly all severe COVID cases can be linked to ‘a momentary lapse of alertness’.

Individuals diagnosed with the condition known as ‘having their heads in the clouds’, or its milder form ‘dopiness’, are now advised to adopt a policy of extreme alertness. So long as these people stay very alert, Westminster experts are convinced it will be possible for everything to go back to normal very quickly – probably overnight, but maybe sooner.

Nearly two COVID survivors have come forward with stories of their own moment of lapsed alertness, and the horribly unpleasant experience it definitely caused.

“We were just having breakfast like normal,” one busy pair of new parents from Whitehall – who’ve both had the disease – told us, “when Melvyn Bragg came on the radio and we couldn’t help ourselves. It can only have been two minutes, but it was so dull we both started daydreaming. Sure enough, five days later, we both tested positive.”