Firms have offered reassurances that they’ll have no difficulty enforcing social distancing in the workplace, as they plan to lay off large parts of their workforces as soon as the furlough scheme is over.
Seven more meetings Dominic Cummings is keeping his eye on
Dom and his merry band of misfit geniuses (but not Sabinsky) have their fingers on the pulse.
North Sea oil platforms will demand rent from workers
“We consider ourselves more of an alliance of freelance oil artisans,” one taxpayer-subsidised oil exec said.
Johnson and Symonds begin work repopulating UK
The PM has opened up about the hard work he and Carrie Symonds have put into repopulating the UK.
Victoria Park installs mirrors to embarrass and deter visitors
The authority hopes to promote social-distancing and keep joggers away by nurturing their self-consciousness.
Governments rush to identify new scapegoats
The world’s governments have entered a ‘race against time’ to find and incriminate scapegoats for the virus.
Johnson to unveil next wave of mistakes
Anticipation builds ahead of the government’s mysterious – much built-up – announcement on Sunday.
Texas and Georgia unearth new reserves of delusion
Emergency stocks of realism will no longer be needed in the lockdown-averse US states, after fresh veins of delusion were discovered yesterday.
“We wish we’d thought of counting tests that haven’t happened yet” say other countries
Leaders around the world have expressed regret that they didn’t think of fudging their testing figures by including tests that haven’t actually happened yet.
Hit historical drama set to record new season over Zoom
Programme-makers have denied suggestions that scenes of the historical drama filmed on a video conferencing app will be ‘historically inaccurate’.