Johnson and Symonds begin work repopulating UK

The PM has opened up about the hard work he and Carrie Symonds have put into repopulating the UK.

“Carrie and I sat down and had a good chat,” said a chuffed and rosy Boris, “we’ve decided that one pregnancy at a time is simply not enough to create the requisite number of blonde-haired petit-Napoléanes It is my… er patriotic duty to remake this beautiful bountiful nation in my randy bumbling image… phwrah.”

This follows news that Mr Johnson will transform temporary COVID hospitals into Johnson breeding centres.

Anna Lingus in The Telegaffe opined that,k “Progenitus Rex, our Boris is a rainmaker PM, no one matches his ability to lift spirits, convey humour and give hope to nation that sorely needs it. My husband Giles and I have a weekly lockdown podcast, and this week, we’ve dedicated it to crowdsourcing a matchmaking platform for ambitious socialites and cuckolded journalists to stand in as volunteer parents for our Dear Leader’s progenies.”

In other news, nearly all blonde, female staff at Downing Street under the age of 35 are showing persistent symptoms and are self-isolating indefinitely.