Anna Lugosi
Brexit Britain’s mortality rate roars triumphantly into the lead.
Anna Lugosi
Anna is part of the Pangolin’s highly-competitive two-year Aspiring Apprentice Reporter Trainee Primer Scheme. Once complete, she plans to apply to join the Pangolin Aspiring Apprentice Traineeship Scheme, where she and other successful aspiring trainees will receive some of the most available perks about, including partial travel cost reimbursement and a quarterly day off!
In her spare time, Anna likes to visit family in Geneva and Abu Dhabi, or hit the town with her fashionable friends, but is more often found directing renovations at her Kensington townhouse.
‘We need PPE’ says cabinet of classics and history graduates
Despite onshore manufacturing, levels of Philosophy, Politics and Economics are at their lowest since the Heath government.
Firms reassure us they’ll lay off millions to make sure they can social distance at work
Firms have offered reassurances that they’ll have no difficulty enforcing social distancing in the workplace, as they plan to lay off large parts of their workforces as soon as the furlough scheme is over.
Seven more meetings Dominic Cummings is keeping his eye on
Dom and his merry band of misfit geniuses (but not Sabinsky) have their fingers on the pulse.
Governments rush to identify new scapegoats
The world’s governments have entered a ‘race against time’ to find and incriminate scapegoats for the virus.
Texas and Georgia unearth new reserves of delusion
Emergency stocks of realism will no longer be needed in the lockdown-averse US states, after fresh veins of delusion were discovered yesterday.
“We wish we’d thought of counting tests that haven’t happened yet” say other countries
Leaders around the world have expressed regret that they didn’t think of fudging their testing figures by including tests that haven’t actually happened yet.
Hit historical drama set to record new season over Zoom
Programme-makers have denied suggestions that scenes of the historical drama filmed on a video conferencing app will be ‘historically inaccurate’.
Priti Patel ‘struggling to adequately reprimand unruly staff’ in Zoom age
‘I make no apologies for being tough’ said perennial Apprentice candidate Ms Patel in response to bullying allegations.