Boris (Oxon, Classics) Johnson’s cabinet has identified a troubling lack of PPE as a significant impediment to its virus response.
“We simply don’t have the PPE to protect key workers in government,” a spokesperson explained. “Without the basic grounding in bullshitting provided by an Oxford politics, philosophy and economics degree, cabinet ministers are struggling to to deflect accusations of incompetence.”
The government is thought to have strategically positioned Hancock and Sunak (both Oxon, PPE) in defensive positions at the daily press conferences, and is taking especial care to shield the vulnerable ministers Priti (Keele, Econ) Patel, Alok (Salford, Applied Physics with Electronics) Sharma and Gavin (Bradford, Social Sciences) Williamson
Jacob (Oxon, History) Rees-Mogg is understood to be roaming freely with minimal precautions, as he has superior ‘common sense’ and is thus invulnerable where less-posh people are not.