The world’s governments have entered a ‘race against time’ to find and incriminate scapegoats for the virus.
Anticipation builds ahead of the government’s mysterious – much built-up – announcement on Sunday.
Leaders around the world have expressed regret that they didn’t think of fudging their testing figures by including tests that haven’t actually happened yet.
‘I make no apologies for being tough’ said perennial Apprentice candidate Ms Patel in response to bullying allegations.
Voters have generously stepped up and funded public services themselves.
The move is expected to reduce the weekly total by around a seventh.