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The Pangolin

The Pangolin

SectionBusiness

Permit me a metaphor. The Pangolin has no fingers, but if it had, it would place one or two of them on the pulsing arteries (markets) of the nation’s beating heart (economy); checking regularly for arterial congestion (over-regulation) and never willingly donating blood to the weakly (avoiding tax).

Clever metaphor, hey – that’s just the kind of thing you come up with when you’re a clever, ambitious, value-oriented businessperson.

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The UK Economy is ‘about 20.4% useless tat’

Just eating is not enough, to save the UK economy you must buy useless tat made by child slaves in Vietnam. 

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By Anna Lugosi17 May 202017 May 2020

Everyone disappointed to learn that airlines weren’t bluffing

People everywhere have expressed their regret on learning that airlines were telling the truth when they said this would be shit for their staff.

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By Ernie Chess5 May 20205 May 2020

‘I miss the trench camaraderie’ say shoppers as supermarket stocks return to normal

Shoppers are left feeling empty as nostalgia for panic-buying sets in.

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By Anna Lugosi4 May 20204 May 2020

Firms reassure us they’ll lay off millions to make sure they can social distance at work

Firms have offered reassurances that they’ll have no difficulty enforcing social distancing in the workplace, as they plan to lay off large parts of their workforces as soon as the furlough scheme is over. 

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By Ernie Chess3 May 2020

North Sea oil platforms will demand rent from workers

“We consider ourselves more of an alliance of freelance oil artisans,” one taxpayer-subsidised oil exec said.

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