Boris, not to be outdone, renames son ‘52% £350m Routemaster’

The PM, like Grimes and Elon, will name the child after his own clever achievements.

Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, a man who knows a thing or two about silly names, has back-tracked on plans to call his son by a real name.

The weeks-old child will instead be called ‘52% £350m Routemaster’, in what is believed to be a nod to the PM’s greatest personal achievements: his historic referendum victory (in which he was resolute and didn’t dither at all), his entirely honest red-bus promise, and the ugly great red bus he clogged London up with.

It is understood that the PM had always hoped to name his approximately sixth-born child ‘Boris Island Johnson’, but increasingly acknowledges that an airport in the middle of the Thames Estuary is increasingly unlikely.