“China created the virus and, er, released it on itself” says conspiracy theorist

Dedicated, self-appointed internet detectives unearth self-destructive nihilism at the heart of China.

“My friend’s brother’s Ukrainian penpal knows a geneticist who says this was definitely made in a lab in Wuhan,” claims Gary Neckbeard, editor-in-chief of online investigative journal What they don’t want you to know although it’s strangely convenient to believe. 

Obviously, we knew that already, what is fascinating is how it reveals the void-staring nihilism behind the Chinese government.”

A lot of people think that China – through careful planning, raising the standard of living and wise foreign policy decisions – was planning an orderly ascension to global hegemony. If the emergent superpower were instead to release a deadly virus on itself, however, there would be a marked shift in global perspectives.

“We’re no longer worried we’ll all have to learn Mandarin,” said one diplomat, “but rather that Beijing may start arbitrarily destroying cities, renaming nations or dyeing the sea purple as it undergoes bouts of chaotic absurdism… this marks a definite shift from lawful evil to chaotic neutral”.

This theory has been compounded by leaks suggesting that 5G towers are being used to broadcast VR renditions of the works of Camus, and that the Belt and Road Initiative is being re-named ’Steve’.