‘We have the best numbers, big numbers, numbers like you’ve never seen’ said a proud commander-in-chief at a press conference this morning. ‘China says 70,000, fake news media say 80,000, but I know the numbers you don’t see, it’s true, I think it could be 110,000−120,000. World-beating numbers’.
‘I’m a leading epi-penoli-deemo-logist, nobody knows a crisis like me’, said the President of the Earth’s most powerful nuclear-armed state.
After his advisors updated him on the need to keep small, he reminded them that bleach-induced deaths don’t count for the final tally.