1. The lounge
Grab a book and a brew, and settle down for three days of me-time.
2. The lounge (but you lock your kids in a cupboard)
Me-time got derailed by screaming kids? Thank God you now have time to soundproof the wardrobe. See you tomorrow whippersnappers!
3. The toilet/bar
Fine, so locking your kids up too long is probably illegal. Ooh-ooh, it’s Waikiki time. Hop in the shower with a piña colada – you won’t even notice the tears!
4. An armed robbery
The police are too busy harassing dog walkers with drones to deal with old-world crimes right now. Put down the banana bread and nick a telly!
5. A SAGE meeting
They contain the man who cocked up the Foot and Mouth disease response, a top political advisor remarkably keen on eugenic thoughts, and a philandering lockdown pioneer. SAGE meetings seem like the exciting place to be right now. Just about anyone can join in.