“I’m loving the time off really”: Greta puts her feet up while the world grapples with a new existential crisis

By Ernie Chess

The activist a takes well-earned break while once-skeptical old men are panicked to find that the planet is doomed.

European Parliament (modified) CC BY 2.0

Climate activist and student strike icon Greta Thunberg, 17, has taken a pause from her bid to derail humanity from its inexorable hellride into the fiery abyss of climate disaster so as to get a bit of ‘me-time’.

‘It’s a great chance for me to kick back, reconnect with my girlfriends and try out some new hobbies’, said the Swedish voice-of-a-generation, ‘I’ve picked up baking, crosswords and writing poems about humanity as it spends half-century staring an avoidable and profoundly uninspiring visage death in the face’.

As a prolific figure in pro-human circles, Thunberg continues to attract a lot of criticism. ’She’s a crybaby snowflake gobshite,’ said crybaby snowflake gobshite Simon Fosters, 53, paraphrasing the leader of the free world.

Elsewhere, fires in the Amazon rainforest have abated long enough for authorities to inform the remaining indigenous people that they face annihilation by another preventable foreign virus.