Boris has reportedly thanked the staff at St. Thomas’ hospital in London where he spent weeks in critical condition after being diagnosed with coronavirus.
Despite showing great admiration for the work of medical practitioners after ten brutal years of austerity, he was apparently in a foul mood upon leaving the hospital.
One Downing Street insider told The Pangolin that Boris was, “more than a little peeved” that he had not immediately ascended to heaven, guided by an angelic cohort of Rupert Murdoch, Aaron Banks and a choir of Telegraph columnists.
This view has been echoed by political analysts who have speculated that Boris was lining Dominic Raab up as successor to fully exploit his martyrdom. After hearing the news, Raab was last seen throwing underprivileged children into the Thames whilst his forehead vein throbbing violently. He is said to have taken the update well.
This news comes as no surprise to us at The Pangolin, who were reminded only the other day by schoolboy-minister Matt Handcock, that Boris’ hero Pericles did in fact die of plague.
Hard luck old boy, there’s always next time!